For many people, the idea of working on a relationship can feel like an admission that something is wrong. This can activate defensiveness or shame. Others may have grown up in environments where emotional conversations were not modeled. They may simply not know how  to engage in the way their partner is asking. Some individuals also equate relationship work with criticism or blame. If past conversations have felt overwhelming or painful, avoidance can become a survival strat

Many people grow up believing that love means sharing everything. Doing everything together. Spending all of your time together. But healthy relationships need both togetherness and individuality. Psychologist Dr. David Schnarch referred to this balance as differentiation  or the ability to stay emotionally connected to your partner while still maintaining a clear sense of self. Understanding this balance can help couples feel both secure and free within their relationship. S

Have you ever felt like you’re having the same argument over and over again,  just with different details? Often, it isn’t the situation itself that keeps causing conflict. It’s the pattern underneath it. Old roles and resentments can quietly run within a relationship, shaping how partners react to one another without even realizing it. Understanding these old patterns in relationships is an important first step toward creating change. What Are Old Patterns in Relationships?

The body and its workings have always been a fascinating subject for me. The fact that we have the physical coordination we do, along with our intellectual abilities and the relational aspects of our minds, is truly astounding. This book explores an often overlooked aspect of our health: breathing. As a therapist, I have learned about the power of breath to help regulate our nervous systems. Breathing occupies a unique place in the body because it is both automatic (you don’

Wandering through Sherman’s Bookstore in Bar Harbor, ME (one of my absolute favorite indie bookstores!), I wasn’t really looking to buy anything — or at least that’s what I told myself. I was absorbing the atmosphere and watching my daughter hunt for her next good read. This book caught my eye , so I gave it a quick perusal and then added it to my daughter’s pile for checkout. Sherman’s has never let me down, and it didn’t this time either. Who is this book for? This is anoth

When two people fall in love, it’s natural to want increased closeness with one another. That often looks like spending lots of time together, learning each other’s habits, and building a shared rhythm. Over time, couples often blend everything from their routines to their finances, social circles, and even their hobbies.  This merging, especially at first, can feel comforting and deeply bonding. For some people, this level of integration works. Maybe you see instances of it

Romance in long-term relationships doesn’t usually disappear overnight. In my practice, I often hear partners say that their romance seemed to suddenly stop, or that one person “quit trying.” But more often, that truth is that romance becomes buried under routines, responsibilities, invisible labor, and yes, the quiet exhaustion of everyday life. Before you realize it, the relationship that once felt effortless begins to feel… logistical. And if you’ve ever looked at your par

February often invites couples to ask a familiar question: “How do we show love better?” For many couples, this can lead to conversations about love languages. Do these sound familiar? For reference, the five love languages identified by Dr. Gary Chapman are words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and gifts.  While this framework can be helpful, it can also become another place where couples feel pressure or get stuck in “right vs. wrong.” But wha

February has quite a romantic reputation, doesn’t it? Heart-shaped everything. Prix-fixe dinners. Social media reminders of what romance is supposed  to look like. For many couples, this month quietly turns into a performance review of their relationship. Did we do enough? Did we plan something special? Does this mean something is wrong if it feels…underwhelming? If February has ever left you feeling pressured, disappointed, or disconnected, you’re not alone. The truth is, re

The glow of the holidays can fade quickly once January arrives. December invites us into connection naturally. There are family traditions, shared errands, festive rituals, and a sense of togetherness that feels almost built into the season. Even couples who feel stretched thin often find small pockets of closeness without having to work too hard for them. But then January shows up. The lights and tree come down, the kids are back in school, and we adults face cooler weather,

I was recommended Fair Play by Eve Rodsky  by a fellow couples therapist. At the time, I was working with several couples where fairness around housework and childcare was a major theme (it often is, by the way). What is Fair Play by Eve Rodsky about? The author offers a system in which couples can talk about and navigate the wear and tear of relationship tasks. Housework — or more specifically, the division of labor — is one of the top five topics that cause relationship co

There’s something about a new year that invites reflection, intention, and hope. Not the rigid, high-pressure resolutions that most of us forget by February! But the softer kind that includes dreaming, imagining, and envisioning what life could  feel like in the coming months. It’s my personal belief that for couples, January presents a powerful opportunity that few other months do. So, one of my favorite practices to recommend this time of year to my clients (and you too!) i

January has a unique energy to it, doesn’t it? On one hand, it holds the promise of a fresh start. And I don’t know of ANYONE—family, friend, client, or otherwise—who hasn’t loved the idea of a fresh start at least once. On the other hand, January also carries the emotional hangover of the prior year. All the things we wanted to do but didn’t. All the things that didn’t go as planned. In other words…life. This mix can be especially tricky for couples. So let’s talk about how

The end of a year naturally invites reflection. Yes, there's almost always the “New Year, New You” kind.  But today I want to suggest that you and your spouse, partner, or significant other try the gentler, more grounded kind that asks: Where have we grown? What have we learned? And how has our relationship shifted because of those experiences? Can this be scary and feel vulnerable? Of course. But it’s important to remember, especially this time of year when everyone is obses

This was a book I wasn’t even looking for  — but the book I sorely  needed. I often go into bookstores with a general idea of what I’m looking for. Sometimes I have a specific title in mind, and other times I just wander. During one of those delightful wanderings at my local independent bookstore, I saw this book. The title fascinated me immediately. Considering the very wild state of the world and the intensity with which people are expressing their beliefs right now, I was

The holidays carry a lot of hope, don’t they? We imagine meaningful moments, cozy gatherings, smooth travel, cheerful kids, peaceful family time… and then reality arrives with its own agenda. Plans shift. Family dynamics flare. Someone gets sick. Travel falls apart. The day feels rushed instead of restful. Or the moment you were counting on simply… doesn’t happen. Navigating holiday disappointment is incredibly common. Yet most people don’t talk about it because it can feel “

December brings a lot of joy. Twinkling lights, family gatherings, traditions, and cozy nights at home to name a few!  But let’s also name the fact that holidays also bring a lot of pressure.  Invitations, obligations, and expectations can pile up quickly, leaving you and your partner stretched thin. If you’ve ever reached January feeling exhausted rather than recharged, you’re not alone. Often with clients I’ve found that it’s because saying yes  to everything during the hol

Ah, the holidays! The most wonderful time of the year! Or so they say.  For many couples and families, “holidays” is shorthand for “financial stress.” Because between travel, gifts, parties, and traditions, it’s easy to feel like you’re overspending. Or perhaps worse, like you have  to spend in order to create meaningful memories. I know you’ve heard it before, but I’ll say it again. Holiday magic doesn’t come from how much money you spend. It comes from the presence, creativ

Trust. It’s the foundation of every relationship, whether intimate, familial, friendship, or even professional. Trust is what allows us to feel safe, connected, and open to cooperation. Without it, relationships struggle. With it, they thrive. But what does trust really look like in daily life? And how do we build it in our closest relationships? The truth is, trust doesn’t just happen once. It’s built over time, through consistent actions, mutual respect, and repair when we

Money is one of the top sources of conflict in relationships. In fact, a study by Fidelity Investments showed that 44% of couples admit money is the most significant source of stress in their relationship—almost half of all couples! But here’s the thing I can tell you from the point of view of a therapist: money disagreements are almost never about dollars and cents. Instead, disagreements about money often stem from our values, like security versus freedom. Even the way we w