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DIY Check-Ins for Couples: How to Stay Connected Amid Busy Schedules

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A couple connecting with one another through cooking.

When you first started seeing your significant other, there were likely feelings of excitement and anticipation. When would you see them next? What would you do together? Perhaps you put extra effort into your appearance, too. 


Over time, the excitement and anticipation relaxed into comfort. You didn’t feel the need to constantly dazzle one another anymore. Work schedules or family life crept in as the priority. And suddenly, you and your partner found it difficult—maybe nearly impossible—to stay connected. 


Trust me when I tell you that no one— NO ONE—I’ve worked with ever anticipated coming to this realization. Certainly not when they first got together, back when the relationship had so much promise and sparkle. The good news is that no matter where things stand currently, you can regain the connection you once had with your partner through regular check-ins.


What does this mean?


Below, we’ll explore what these check-ins can look like. I’ll also share some prompts and free resources to turn to should you need help getting started.


Why check-ins are crucial for couples


“It feels like we’re just roommates.” 


Many couples I’ve worked with have had some variation of this phrase uttered during a session. So, let’s take a moment and normalize the feeling. Because it is normal to go through this phase of a relationship, no matter how dazzling it was initially.


You see, life, with all its demands, has a way of pulling us in different directions—jobs, kids, family obligations, and even just the sheer exhaustion of keeping up.


This is why regular check-ins with your partner are so important. They’re a chance to pause and to say, “I see you. I hear you. We’re in this together.” 


But as with most regular check-ins we all are supposed to do—doctor, dentist, oil change on the car, mammograms, dermatologist, and so forth—it’s easier to procrastinate. 


So here’s a hard truth: When you procrastinate with your relationship, resentment and loneliness can creep in. And depending on how deep it runs, you may or may not be able to come back from it. 


Don’t get me wrong: check-ins aren’t the only way that we support connection in our relationships. Date nights, morning rituals, screen free time together and sexy time are all a part of maintaining that connection. Yet by showing up consistently with small check-ins, you can flame that connection you once had with your partner. For many couples, this is enough to help them get through busier life stages.


Overcoming common check-in challenges


Now, believe me, I understand that check-ins aren’t as simple as, “Oh, well, you just have to make time for it and do it!”


Even for couples with the best intentions, creating space for regular check-ins isn’t easy. Life gets hectic. Distractions occur. And for some, the idea of pausing to reconnect can feel like yet another task on a never-ending to-do list. 


But here’s the good news: your challenges aren’t unique. They’re definitely not insurmountable. So, let’s explore some of the most common obstacles couples I’ve worked with have encountered, as well as practical ways they’ve overcome them.


Challenge 1: “We’re Too Busy”


Between work, family, and other responsibilities, it can seem like there’s no time left for anything else. But remember, check-ins don’t have to be long or formal to be effective.


Solution: Start small. Find natural moments in your day to connect—while packing lunches, cooking dinner, or even in the car on the way to an errand. A quick five-minute exchange can be enough to keep your connection strong, especially during busier seasons of life. 

If your home schedules don’t overlap, set aside five minutes in your workday to talk over the phone. Call your partner in the five minutes you have to get a coffee refill or on your walk to grab your lunch. These small gestures can mean a lot when lives are busy and someone feels like they aren’t a priority for someone else!


Challenge 2: “We Don’t Know What to Say”


Sometimes, it’s not the time that’s the issue. It’s figuring out how to start the conversation. If it’s been a while since you’ve had a meaningful check-in, talking can feel awkward or even unnatural.


Solution: Use prompts as a guide. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel! One of my favorite resources to share with couples is the Gottman Card Decks. Download for Apple or Android and choose from a variety of conversation starters.


The goal here is to show curiosity and that you care. Often, it feels awkward or unnatural because there’s a certain amount of vulnerability to a check-in. You’re asking your partner to connect with you, and when asking for something you need, there is always a risk you may not get it. That’s scary! But don’t let fear be the reason you don’t try. If you genuinely care about your partner, and they genuinely care about you, and life has simply gotten in the way, remember: Your relationship is worth it.


Challenge 3: “We Keep Getting Distracted”


Phones buzzing, kids interrupting, or just the sheer mental clutter of a busy day. It’s easy to lose focus, even with the best intentions.


Solution: Create a distraction-free zone. Put your phones on silent, turn off the TV, and choose a time when interruptions are less likely. Maybe it’s after the kids are asleep. Maybe it only happens if you give your kids ten minutes of screen time! Maybe it’s doing an errand you normally do alone, like grocery shopping or school pick-ups or drop-offs, together.


Challenge 4: “We Forget to Do It”


These days, many things are competing for your attention. So, it’s easy for check-ins to slip through the cracks.


Solution: Schedule it. I know, it sounds so simple. But it’s not! In fact, it’s far easier to put the time to connect in your schedule and then let it go for something you deem more important than keeping the appointment. But you must treat your check-ins like any other important commitment. Add them to your calendar, set reminders, or pair them with an existing habit like a weekly walk, Friday night dinner, or Sunday morning coffee.


The key to overcoming check-in challenges is recognizing that even imperfect check-ins are better than none at all. By showing up consistently, you’re reinforcing the idea that your relationship matters, no matter how busy or messy life gets. 


DIY Check-In Prompts for Couples


Above, I mentioned the Gottman Card Decks to kick-start your check-in conversations. But if you don’t want to add another app to your phone, that’s okay. You can find plenty of prompts online. Below, I’ve created a short list of check-in prompts to help guide some of your initial check-ins. 


Quick Connection Prompts

For the busiest of days, these prompts are short but impactful. They create a moment to connect and show your partner you’re paying attention.


  • “What’s one thing you’re proud of today?”

  • “What’s one thing I can do to make your day easier?”

  • “What’s something you’re looking forward to this week?”


Even brief exchanges like these can remind your partner they’re on your mind and help you stay tuned to each other’s lives.


Reflective Connection Prompts


When you have more time, these prompts encourage reflection and deeper conversations. They’re especially helpful when you feel a need to reconnect emotionally.


  • “What’s something I’ve done recently that made you feel loved?”

  • “What’s one thing we could do differently to strengthen our relationship?”

  • “Is there anything that’s been weighing on you that we haven’t talked about yet?”


These questions foster understanding and create a safe space for vulnerability, which is key to a strong relationship.


Playful and Fun Prompts


Sometimes, laughter and lightness are the best medicine for a busy, stressful life. These prompts may spark joy and remind you of the fun side of your relationship.


  • “If we could take a weekend trip anywhere right now, where would you want to go?”

  • “What’s a favorite memory of us that still makes you laugh?”

  • “If we won the lottery, what’s the first thing we’d do together?”


A little playfulness can do wonders for relieving tension and sparking imagination for future date nights.


When you incorporate these prompts into regular check-ins, you’re not just making time for your relationship—you’re prioritizing it. And that sends a powerful message to your partner: You matter to me.


Final thoughts


Like any new habit, consistency is key. Don’t let the idea of a “perfect” check-in stop you from starting. Begin with only five minutes. Use one simple prompt. There’s no need to create a grand ritual—you can carve out a moment that works for you and your partner today. A random phone call, a quick conversation while cooking dinner, a question as you brush your teeth together.


Remember: every check-in—no matter how brief—is a success. Celebrate the effort you both put into prioritizing each other. Maybe it’s a high five after a great conversation or a moment of gratitude like saying, “I really appreciate that we took time to talk today.”

Acknowledging these small wins reinforces the importance of your check-ins and makes you more likely to continue them.


As you get more comfortable with check-ins, look for ways to deepen and expand them. Add new prompts to your repertoire. Experiment with different times or formats. And if life gets hectic and you miss a week (or a month), don’t let guilt stop you from starting again. Great relationships are about progress and evolution—not perfection.


And if you need a guide along your journey to reconnecting with your partner, I invite you to learn about my different program offerings geared toward couples like you.

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