Reflecting on Your Relationship: What You’ve Grown From in the Past Year

The end of a year naturally invites reflection. Yes, there's almost always the “New Year, New You” kind.  But today I want to suggest that you and your spouse, partner, or significant other try the gentler, more grounded kind that asks:

• Where have we grown?

• What have we learned?

• And how has our relationship shifted because of those experiences?

Can this be scary and feel vulnerable? Of course. But it’s important to remember, especially this time of year when everyone is obsessed with “big wins,” that growth in relationships doesn’t always look dramatic. More often, it shows up in the quiet moments. I’m talking about the conversations you navigated with more patience and the boundaries you finally honored. I mean all the ways in the ways you showed up for each other on days when life felt heavy.

This kind of reflection isn’t about evaluating your relationship. It’s about witnessing your evolution as a couple.

So today, let’s talk about some meaningful places you can explore as you look back on your past year together.

1. What Challenges Did You Weather Together

Every couple experiences challenges. I know Instagram and Facebook make it seem like many don’t, but that’s a conversation for another blog! 

Some challenges couples run into are expected, some are blindsiding, and some slowly accumulate in the background of everyday life. Maybe you:

• juggled demanding schedules

• navigated a difficult family dynamic

• supported each other through illness or stress

• adapted to a new job, routine, or season of parenting

• hit a few communication bumps

There’s a difference between “things that were hard” and “things you grew through.”

Ask yourselves:

• How did we handle stress differently this year compared to years past?

• Where did we practice patience, flexibility, or compassion?

• What strengths did we discover in each other?

Note that a challenge didn’t need to be resolved perfectly. Sometimes they’re messy, but you build on that and can communicate better next time.I encourage you to reflect not on “perfection” in your communication or “success” but rather upon the resilience you built with someone you love. Growth often hides inside moments you didn’t recognize as growth at the time.

2. The Small Wins That Made a Big Difference

The Gottman Institute teaches that strong relationships are built on small things, often. These small things frequently go unnoticed in the moment. But this is a great time to reflect back on tiny moments of connection that may have quietly strengthened your bond:

• a softened start-up that prevented an argument

• a supportive text in the middle of a stressful day

• inside jokes that carried you through tense moments

• choosing curiosity instead of criticism

• remembering each other’s preferences, fears, hopes, and thresholds

I get it. These may not sound monumental. However, they accumulate into trust, ease, and emotional safety, all of which are necessary in long-term relationships. 

Ask each other:

“What is a small moment this year when you felt really connected to me?”

You might be surprised by what comes up, what your partner remembers, and how positively it affected your relationship.

3. The Lessons That Shifted You as a Couple

Relationships evolve in cycles. Just as individuals, each year you’re with someone you love is bound to bring its own themes, friction, and clarity. No two years will ever be exactly the same! So, maybe this year you learned how to repair conflict more effectively, or you or your partner were able to recognize a pattern that no longer served you.Reflection helps illuminate the wisdom you gained. These lessons aren’t about what went wrong; they’re about what changed you.

Ask:

• What did this year teach us about how we function as a team?

• How did we show up differently for each other than we did in years past?

• What do we want to carry forward — and what can we let go of?

This reframes the year not as something that happened to you, but something you grew through together.

4. The Ways You Showed Up for Each Other (Even When It Was Hard)

Every couple has moments that call for patience, vulnerability, or a generous spirit.

Sometimes these are small, like an argument had while you were hungry. Some are big, like when someone loses a job and struggles to find a replacement. Both may require “more,” or can “test” a partnership, though at varying degrees.

Maybe one of you:

• apologized sooner or more openly

• expressed needs without fear

• listened more fully

• gave the benefit of the doubt

• practiced repair after conflict

• respected a partner’s boundary

• made space for the other’s emotional reality

These moments deserve recognition. They reflect not only growth, but courage.

Take a moment to say:

“Here’s something I really appreciated about the way you showed up this year.”

Sometimes the acknowledgment itself becomes a new moment of connection.

5. The Joys and Reconnecting Moments That Anchored You

Even in hard years, joy appears. Sometimes my clients don’t believe me when I say this. But even briefly or unexpectedly, happiness can strike. Sure, it’s easier to find in the good years than it is in the years of struggle. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t always still look for it—I promise it’s there!

Think about:

• the vacations, date nights, or slow mornings

• the laughter overloads that became stories

• the quiet moments that grounded you

• the shared adventures, big or small

• the hobbies or rituals that brought you closer

Joy is relational glue. Recognizing where it showed up helps you understand where to intentionally create more of it in the year ahead.

Ask:

“What moments this year reminded us why we’re a good team?”

That question alone often draws you back toward each other.

Reflecting On Your Relationship Isn’t About Perfection; It’s About Awareness

Something I like to remind my clients about this exercise…looking back on your relationship isn’t about grading yourselves or determining whether the year was “good enough.”

Instead, it’s about honoring what shaped you, softened you, stretched you, strengthened you, and taught you (and your partner!) something new.

The goal is not to evaluate your relationship or its current state. It’s to connect. So be sure to come prepared with a healthy dose of curiosity, compassion, openness, gentleness, humor, and even gratitude. Because the truth is this:

You and your partner have both grown this year, as has your relationship. Not because your year was perfect, but because you moved through it together.

And that’s something worth acknowledging, celebrating, and carrying into the year ahead.