Tech-Free Time in Relationships: Reclaiming Presence with Your Partner

Picture this: you're sitting next to your partner on the couch. You’re both home after a long day. You're technically “together,” but…they’re scrolling. Or you’re checking email on your phone.

It’s quiet, but not exactly connected.

In today’s world, this is the norm for many couples. Technology is deeply woven into our daily lives: sometimes for the better, but often at the cost of presence. We’re more reachable than ever, but more distracted too.

If you’ve found yourself craving a deeper connection in your relationship, carving out intentional, tech-free time in your relationship might be the shift you need.

Why Tech-Free Time in Relationships Matters

The Gottman Institute calls it the "bid for connection.” Those small moments when one partner reaches out for attention, affection, or support. 

A bid for connection could be as subtle as “look at this” or “can I tell you something?” These bids are how emotional connection is built over time.

You can learn more about bids for connection, as well as emotional bank accounts in this blog.

When our attention is constantly split between our partners and our screens, we miss those bids. And over time, missed bids lead to emotional disconnection.

Tech-free time in relationships is less about cutting out devices completely and more about creating a protected space for emotional intimacy.

3 Signs It’s Time to Unplug (Together)

1. Conversations feel shallow or rushed. You’re talking logistics, not emotions. Or you’re multitasking through most of your interactions.

2. You’re together but not with each other. There’s physical closeness but emotional distance. You’re often side-by-side, but rarely making eye contact or sharing undivided attention.

3. You can’t remember the last time you connected without distractions. Even small tech-free moments feel rare or awkward.

   
   

If any of these sound familiar, don’t panic. This is incredibly common and totally fixable with a little intention.

How to Reclaim Presence Without Becoming “Anti-Tech”

You don’t have to throw away your phones or cancel Netflix to feel close again. But you do need some boundaries and shared rituals that prioritize your relationship.

Here are a few places to start:

Create a Tech-Free Ritual

Choose one moment a day or week where you both agree to set aside devices and tune into each other. This could be a:

• Morning coffee chat

• Twenty-minute walk after dinner

• “No-phones-allowed” bedtime routine

It doesn’t need to be long. What matters is consistency and presence.

Designate Device-Free Zones

Try making one space in your home a no-phone zone.

The dinner table is a great place to start. You might also try keeping phones out of the bedroom to make space for pillow talk and winding down together.

Make It Playful, Not Punitive

This isn’t about control or shame. Instead, it’s about creating joyful, connected moments.

Try a phone basket during meals. Or give each other five minutes of uninterrupted talking time, face to face. Make it feel like an invitation, not a rule.

Talk About Your Tech Use (With Curiosity)

Instead of judging each other’s screen habits, get curious:

• “When do you feel most distracted?”

• “What do you wish we did more of together?”

• “How do you know when I’m really listening to you?”

These questions open the door to better understanding and fewer assumptions.

Tech-Free Time Isn’t About Perfection

We don’t need to demonize technology. In fact, texting your partner something sweet during the day is a form of connection! But we also need moments where we’re fully present, where we can tune into each other without competing notifications or mental clutter.

If your relationship has felt disconnected, distracted, or like you’re always “together but apart,” tech-free time might be a gentle place to start. If you need a little help getting started, my self-led course “Create Time for Connection” is only $20, and it’s available for immediate download and purchase.