How to Stay Grounded During Big Emotions: The ACE Technique

We’ve all been there. 

You’re ready to use the communication tools you’ve learned in therapy, but suddenly feel swept up in a wave of big emotion. Maybe you’re in conflict with your partner, or you need to bring up something difficult. And that’s when it happens. Your body takes over. Your heart pounds. Your thoughts spiral. And all your best intentions go offline.

That’s not a failure. 

It’s biology.

When we experience intense emotions, the part of our brain responsible for logic and communication, called the prefrontal cortex, can temporarily shut down. In that state, access to our best tools is limited. 

But that doesn’t mean we’re powerless.

Instead, we can drop anchor. This concept, from therapist and author Russ Harris, compares our emotional selves to a ship in a stormy sea. Dropping anchor doesn’t stop the storm, but it keeps us from being swept away by it.

One way to drop anchor is with a grounding technique I like to teach called ACE:

A – Acknowledge Your Thoughts and Feelings

Start by gently observing what’s showing up for you. Say to yourself:

• “I’m noticing a feeling of fear.”

• “I’m noticing the thought that my partner is upset with me.”

Bringing awareness to your internal experience without judgment can help you step out of reactivity and into presence.

C – Connect with Your Body

Once you’ve acknowledged what’s happening in your mind, shift your attention to your body.Try:

• Pressing your palms together and noticing the pressure

• Pushing your feet gently into the floor

• Stretching your arms or shoulders

• Taking slow, conscious breaths

These small physical actions help regulate your nervous system and remind you: I am here. I am safe.

E – Engage with the World

Finally, return to the present moment by tuning in to your senses.

• What can you see right now?

• What do you hear, smell, or taste?

• Can you feel your clothes against your skin or the chair beneath you?

This step helps anchor you in your environment, so you can move forward with clarity rather than chaos.

Why the ACE Technique Works

We’re not trying to eliminate emotions, here. Instead, we’re learning how to ride the wave without drowning. With the ACE Technique, we create just enough distance from our inner storm to choose how we want to respond.

So the next time a tough conversation starts to feel overwhelming, pause. Acknowledge what’s there. Connect to your body. Engage with your world.

Then ask yourself: Who do I want to be in this moment?

That question alone can help you move forward more purposefully. Watch a video about ACE (including an activity putting it into practice) on my YouTubeChannel.