Budgeting Tips for Couples During the Holiday Season

Here comes the holidays!

Once we get past Halloween, your favorite stores start advertising Black Friday specials, the latest and greatest tech for you or your partner, and toys for the kids. Not to mention, many families spend money to travel for the holidays or have extended family they purchase gifts for.

Naturally, this time of year is going to bring a lot of financial stress for couples. It’s certainly a topic of conversation that has been ramping up in my practice. Because when stress levels rise, so can tension in your relationship.

So, let’s talk budgeting tips for couples during the holiday season. Don’t worry, “budget” doesn’t have a negative connotation in this space. It’s more like talking about ways in which we can spend money more intentionally in an effort to bring you closer as a couple this year.

Talk About Holiday Priorities First

Before you can even begin to discuss the numbers, take time separately to brainstorm and write down your priorities this season. This way, you have clarification not only around what you value, but also what your partner values. Sometimes these things are the same—but oftentimes they’re very different!

One of you may be more interested in physical gift giving, while the other may value the experience of traveling to a new location or to visit with family you see infrequently. Maybe one of you feels it’s important to host a large, expensive holiday dinner, while the other values time spent with family over spending money and cooking. Neither is bad—they’re simply different.

For most couples, getting clear on your priorities up front is over half the battle during the holiday season. That’s because when you align on values before you budget, the numbers feel less restrictive and more intentional.

Set a Realistic Holiday Budget Together

Once you’ve identified and talked through your priorities, it’s time to create a budget. Most couples I work with find it easiest to start with a total spending cap that feels comfortable—say, $1,000. 

From here, break out those priorities into categories and assign each category a dollar amount.

• Gifts

• Travel

• Food and hosting

• Extras like décor or outings

Now, here’s the tough part: It’s unlikely to expect a budget to encompass any and all holiday spending you want it to. I know! I wish it could, too.

But, you might have to say, “We can get “X” gift this year, but it means forgoing the annual beach trip,” or “We can host a holiday party every OTHER year.” 

And that’s okay! You’re allowed to feel disappointed. It’s when that disappointment results in doing something anyway or overextending that is the cause of many an argument.

Collaboration & Systems That Are Supportive to Budgeting During Holidays

The key is collaboration and a strong system to manage your priorities. Budgets can easily fall apart without teamwork and an agreed-upon system for tracking, like a spreadsheet or budgeting app you can both access. 

Also, many couples I work with find that a weekly sit-down to track where they’re at helps everyone adjust before things spiral into stress.

Remember: Budgeting isn’t one partner managing the spreadsheet while the other checks out! When both voices are included, it helps prevent imbalance and reduces the chance of arguments later.

Think of these check-ins as part of your communication toolbox. Like the Gottman Institute’s emphasis on soft start-ups, approaching these conversations with curiosity instead of criticism helps reduce defensiveness.

Protect Connection Beyond the Budget

Above all, it’s important to remember that despite what modern-day advertising is telling you, the holidays aren’t all about spending money. They’re actually about reconnecting and remembering what matters most in your life.

To that end, set aside some time to be together that doesn’t require spending: a walk through the neighborhood to admire lights, a hot cocoa movie night, or volunteering as a family.

By budgeting both time and money, you remind each other that intimacy grows from presence, not price tags.